Politics

Trump’s Name For Games

By Cagle Cartoons · February 3, 2026

Column by Peter Funt, Cagle Cartoons

President Trump deserves credit for bravely having himself added to the outdated and, frankly, boring name of the venue previously known as The John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts.

Considering that Mr. Trump single-handedly saved the center from decay and ruin, permanently branding it with his name is the least the board of trustees could do to show its appreciation — along with renaming itself the Trump Board of Trustees, which would be appropriate.

Other renamings proposed by the White House have been delayed due to Mr. Trump’s modesty and unwillingness to, as one aide put it, “grandstand.” According to unnamed sources, the contemplated name changes include:

BIG TRUMP. McDonald’s signature Big Mac, long a favorite of the 47th president, who has been known to eat several at a sitting, might soon bear his name. Mr. Trump is also fond of the Golden Arches which he has reportedly asked company officials to replicate in 24-carat, to hang alongside his other gold stuff in the Oval Office.

TRUMP-FOX NEWS CHANNEL. Fearing they might lose their most valuable viewer to a more conservative outlet such as Newsmax, the FNC board of directors is considering adding the Trump name to its title. Lara Trump, the president’s daughter-in-law, already hosts her own program on FNC, so rebranding the channel is the logical next step.

ST. DONALD’S CATHEDRAL. The New York City landmark, previously named after Saint Patrick, patron saint of Ireland, and located just a few blocks from the equally renowned Trump Tower, could soon be renamed in honor of the man who hopes to remodel it. Mr. Trump has said privately that the 1879 cathedral “has decayed badly and lacks modern bathrooms.”

TRUMPLAND. President Trump recently complained to Hollywood pals that Walt Disney’s park in Anaheim has decayed “like nothing anyone’s ever seen before” since opening in 1955, adding that a remodel and name change would make the attraction great again. When told that tickets to Disneyland now cost more than $200, Mr. Trump reportedly said that by opening the land currently occupied by Mickey and Minnie’s Runaway Railway to oil drilling, the ticket price could be significantly lowered for the wealthiest 10 percent of parkgoers.

“TRUMP THE BEAUTIFUL.” As written by Katherine Lee Bates in 1895, the song about America has “decayed over time,” according to Lee Greenwood, composer of the Trump anthem “God Bless the USA.” Mr. Trump has reportedly commissioned Mr. Greenwood to “punch up” the Bates lyrics by adding his name.

Meanwhile, Melania Trump is said to be considering name changes of her own. On the proposed list: Melania Smith, Melania Jones and Melania Doe.

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Peter Funt’s latest book is “Inside Fantasy Football.”